Monday, November 3, 2008
♥ A Life so Changed
I wanna hurt something. I wanna take some unfortunate glass object and throw it out in the middle of the street into busy traffic to watch the shards come flying and zoom across the pavement. In short, I'm pissed. I'm fucking pissed. Mostly at myself.
It began like a normal day. I rise, I decide to go to my 9am class. I go, thinking it would be an okay day. I did some of my work, some of the problems are done.
And what does the professor do?
He calls on me to say the solutions to the problems I happened to either not understand or not do. So, I sit there, looking like an idiot not knowing what to say or do, and I get my ass kicked for it. My grade for the day sucks.
Mostly, I'm angry at myself for that one.
I text my friends a picture of my new boyfriend.
Yay! I'm not single. He's cute, he's smart, and he just seems so perfect, aside from the fact that he lives in Mississippi. But.. I get a reply back.
To make my mood worse, I get talked to about why I put myself in positions that I am more likely to be hurt. I get lectured about choosing the wrong people, it feels like.
That increased my anger. I couldn't focus in my next class, practically shaking with anger.
I survive through my next two class periods.
I return to my dorm room and sign onto Ventrillo, the program I use to talk to people over the internet. I then I find that my microphone is broken.
I wanna throw it across the room and scream. But my roommate is here.
So I order a new one right away.
I then decide to send an email to my father. He is more understanding than my mother, and appears to be more willing to accept what I think. He's protective, but allows me to be free.
I tell him I have a new boyfriend that I met over OKCupid.com.
Why does he say?
"And?"
That pissed me off further. It's as if it doesn't even matter an ounce. I want to call him and shout at him over the phone, but I know yelling doesn't help.
So, I write here instead. It's the middle of the day. And I am a bomb ready to explode.
I want Allen here. I want to feel his arms around me and his breath on my neck, telling me that I'll be okay.
But, alas, he's 700 miles away.
This is why I told Dad in the first place. He has frequent flyer miles hopefully he'll let me use.
I hope.. with a reaction like that..
Fuckity, fuck fuck..
FUCK! FUCK ALL THIS BULLSHIT!
I HATE it!
I fucking HATE IT!
God dammit!! FUCKING SHITHOLE CUNT..
Oh, Jesus.. I feel better..
If only I could have screamed that aloud..
It began like a normal day. I rise, I decide to go to my 9am class. I go, thinking it would be an okay day. I did some of my work, some of the problems are done.
And what does the professor do?
He calls on me to say the solutions to the problems I happened to either not understand or not do. So, I sit there, looking like an idiot not knowing what to say or do, and I get my ass kicked for it. My grade for the day sucks.
Mostly, I'm angry at myself for that one.
I text my friends a picture of my new boyfriend.
Yay! I'm not single. He's cute, he's smart, and he just seems so perfect, aside from the fact that he lives in Mississippi. But.. I get a reply back.
To make my mood worse, I get talked to about why I put myself in positions that I am more likely to be hurt. I get lectured about choosing the wrong people, it feels like.
That increased my anger. I couldn't focus in my next class, practically shaking with anger.
I survive through my next two class periods.
I return to my dorm room and sign onto Ventrillo, the program I use to talk to people over the internet. I then I find that my microphone is broken.
I wanna throw it across the room and scream. But my roommate is here.
So I order a new one right away.
I then decide to send an email to my father. He is more understanding than my mother, and appears to be more willing to accept what I think. He's protective, but allows me to be free.
I tell him I have a new boyfriend that I met over OKCupid.com.
Why does he say?
"And?"
That pissed me off further. It's as if it doesn't even matter an ounce. I want to call him and shout at him over the phone, but I know yelling doesn't help.
So, I write here instead. It's the middle of the day. And I am a bomb ready to explode.
I want Allen here. I want to feel his arms around me and his breath on my neck, telling me that I'll be okay.
But, alas, he's 700 miles away.
This is why I told Dad in the first place. He has frequent flyer miles hopefully he'll let me use.
I hope.. with a reaction like that..
Fuckity, fuck fuck..
FUCK! FUCK ALL THIS BULLSHIT!
I HATE it!
I fucking HATE IT!
God dammit!! FUCKING SHITHOLE CUNT..
Oh, Jesus.. I feel better..
If only I could have screamed that aloud..
♥ My
doll smiled.
10:42 AM
1 commented
10:42 AM
1 commented