Sunday, October 5, 2008
♥ In Pieces
You ever do something you don't mean? Something you never thought through? Something that you never thought would hurt someone as drastically as it did?
I have never felt a deeper knife wound than that. Ever.
He's done so much for me.. and I've hurt him. Hurt him so bad, that I've never seen him so fucked up in my short time knowing him.
I took the knife back that I threw at him, and I stabbed myself hard in my chest, opening wounds again.
But I am healing. We are both healing.
I worry about how he's doing now. I've never seen him so low, and it frightens me.
But home. I was home this weekend.
What is home? I hear the word.. and my head draws on nothing. There is nothing there.
Now that I've successfully fucked up my definition of home, I have to re-establish it as here, in Ames, Iowa.
Minnesota seems so foreign, so out of reach. I almost dread it.
But at the sight of my beloved, my one of three significants in my life, my dearest whom I never have to worry about injuring very much.. I almost burst into tears at the sight of her head popping up from the grass and brush as her name left my lips. Her ears pricked forward, both of her chocolate brown eyes focused on my image. I call for her again, and she walks to the gate. She walks to me, and with my empath senses, I know she's happy. I've returned. I've not abandoned her.
And I rush to her, I throw my arms about her furry white and brown neck, and I hold her. Her head sits on my shoulder as if to return the gesture. And I tell her how much I wanted to see her after six weeks, how much I yearned for the moment where I would be gifted once more with the privilege of sitting on her back.
The floodgates held. I didn't cry. But it was so emotional, I came very close.
The entire day, my father and I spent out in the wide open fields, the forests with nats swirling about our heads, and the hoof beats pounding on the ground as we encourage the horses' speed. Get, we tell them. And we are flying.
I am so tired. We all were at the end of that day. Staying awake isn't possible that night, as much as I want to see and talk to another one of the three significants in my life. Currently, he resides at the time of the list for me.
Never again.. will I call on the abilities to just trash an emotion so strong. I will suffer with him as a normal human. Not like an animal that simple wants something and moves on. It was heartless. And I never ever want to do that again.
Ron, I hope to not lose contact with you. Through college and whatever the future may hold. And I promise that I will never intentionally do that to you again. Ever.
Scooter.. I will never leave you. Wait for me, my love. I will come home again, sit on your back, and let you take me to that wonderful place where we are both free..
Jenna, I miss you dearly. Hang in there. I'm here for you.
As for the world, fuck you.
If I damn well want to track down this.. clan of vampires, I sure as hell will.
Goodnight.
I have never felt a deeper knife wound than that. Ever.
He's done so much for me.. and I've hurt him. Hurt him so bad, that I've never seen him so fucked up in my short time knowing him.
I took the knife back that I threw at him, and I stabbed myself hard in my chest, opening wounds again.
But I am healing. We are both healing.
I worry about how he's doing now. I've never seen him so low, and it frightens me.
But home. I was home this weekend.
What is home? I hear the word.. and my head draws on nothing. There is nothing there.
Now that I've successfully fucked up my definition of home, I have to re-establish it as here, in Ames, Iowa.
Minnesota seems so foreign, so out of reach. I almost dread it.
But at the sight of my beloved, my one of three significants in my life, my dearest whom I never have to worry about injuring very much.. I almost burst into tears at the sight of her head popping up from the grass and brush as her name left my lips. Her ears pricked forward, both of her chocolate brown eyes focused on my image. I call for her again, and she walks to the gate. She walks to me, and with my empath senses, I know she's happy. I've returned. I've not abandoned her.
And I rush to her, I throw my arms about her furry white and brown neck, and I hold her. Her head sits on my shoulder as if to return the gesture. And I tell her how much I wanted to see her after six weeks, how much I yearned for the moment where I would be gifted once more with the privilege of sitting on her back.
The floodgates held. I didn't cry. But it was so emotional, I came very close.
The entire day, my father and I spent out in the wide open fields, the forests with nats swirling about our heads, and the hoof beats pounding on the ground as we encourage the horses' speed. Get, we tell them. And we are flying.
I am so tired. We all were at the end of that day. Staying awake isn't possible that night, as much as I want to see and talk to another one of the three significants in my life. Currently, he resides at the time of the list for me.
Never again.. will I call on the abilities to just trash an emotion so strong. I will suffer with him as a normal human. Not like an animal that simple wants something and moves on. It was heartless. And I never ever want to do that again.
Ron, I hope to not lose contact with you. Through college and whatever the future may hold. And I promise that I will never intentionally do that to you again. Ever.
Scooter.. I will never leave you. Wait for me, my love. I will come home again, sit on your back, and let you take me to that wonderful place where we are both free..
Jenna, I miss you dearly. Hang in there. I'm here for you.
As for the world, fuck you.
If I damn well want to track down this.. clan of vampires, I sure as hell will.
Goodnight.
♥ My
doll smiled.
9:26 PM
1 commented
9:26 PM
1 commented